uh... the interview results are out... so scary, all the big prominent people are gonna squish me in the run for VP... =S hehe, well... i got through the interviews i guess, now i gotta face the whole choir. grr... it's gonna be my first time writing speech lah, now i know how the council elects felt like. lolx. well, i hope that God will really help me through this. Whether i get VP or not, i pray that it's his will be done.

today, it was Shu Xian's birthday! haha, i dunno why... the basses seems specially nice to her... hmmmmmmmmmmmm. haha no lah, not in that manner... i guess they're actually quite close =D haha that's GOOD! i hope that the whole choir will gel better like that... celebrating everyone's birthday to a more intimate level that we can actually feel bonded.

yaay! service tomorrow! so excited! haha flag day too! whee... i cant contact joshua.. i wonder if he's okay..

Recently, i think God really really opened my spiritual eyes slowly once again. it's not like, they just opened suddenly, it's like, God kinda helped me to open them. i had to pray loads to get back straight to him. like... i was struggling for a while, cuz i couldn't find God at times... was always preoccupied with thoughts and things. then until i read purpose driven life again, i read something about the heart. it's all about the heart. it was only then, then i started to check my heart and only through that, we can sincerely find God. This was further emphasised during service today, it's all about the heart, not us.

I realised that i have changed abit from since i entered NJ... became spiritually dryer in a sense... can't seek God's face as i used to. could it be the loss of a Christian environment? CB1 & 4 was really united before we all split up. =( haha oh well, im sure that the Christian environment in NJ is quite strong.. there are meetings everywhere and Jesus lives in the hearts of many people in NJ. =D But still, we gotta work harder for God.

Raphael is leaving CB4. WAAAAAAAAH! he's going over to Central E. to join Derrick.. wah, i dunno why, but i really feel left out, much more than i ever felt before. i even got petty when they went to watch troy without me. bah. God please check my heart and take away all this sin... i'm quite sad lah, with Raphael leaving and all... oh well... i think i will still see him around =). haha but with him gone, i must hold CG alone with Samuel! BAH!!!! so stressed... not saying that Samuel is not someone good to work with, but i flow more easily with Raphael. We kinda work well together.

Choir interviews are just around the corner. like in 1 day plus... i dun think i will be doing much preparation. Gonna just ask God on what to do, pray for his will to be done. If he wants me to even get through the interviews, so be it. if he doesn't, then so be it lah... as much as i want to contribute to the choir, i pray that i can what i do will make an impact for the kingdom as well. I finally thought of a way on how to expand God's kingdom through holding a post! YAY! inspiration from Shirls today... i.e. Michael chang...

Haha... lastly, i'm broke, really really broke. really used all God blessed me with to be a blessing. gave out all the gifts i need to give out today. must start saving all over again... but at least it's worth it. im sure the recipients love the stuff they got =D you guys really deserve the stuff!

Realised that Mikhail's birthday coming up, and must get belated prezzie for Joshua... really really belated. hahaha. SAVE MONEY! maybe i'll get stuff from Germany =D. Yay! Hellidays are here. i can't bear the torment of expecting to study throughout the hols. stoopid commontests. *BISH* i wanna destroy the school exam system... lol, at least i can thank God that all my exam locations are in Air-Conditioned areas such as the LT! hurrah! i will die and smolder in the classrooms.

Quite happy today! erm, yesterday... God showed me more stuff! learning and seeing more and more now.. Thank God. It's all about the heart.

i wanna know so many people, to a much deeper level. but things always seem to stop at level 3, like some stupid game. whenever things gets better, another wave comes and drives me back. sometimes, i just feel so left out. people going for movies without me, and all i can do is just sit helplessly watching them walk away.

is talking the only road there? there's so much homework that i want to drop everything and just run to God now. if even meeting God is somewhat being constrained, how can i meet people?

Wow, i think i have loads to learn from Raphael, it's been so long lah. He's been sowing and sowing, finally God gave him a fruit lah! wow, this Cat high convert is really like a rare gem to him. Raphael is showering him with so much love that i think that i feel weird myself. i pray that God will pour more of himself into me, cuz he is love, so i can pour out love to others as well. I'm Blessed to be a Blessing.

Can't wait for church camp! can't wait for Germany!

Thank you.

For the things that you have done,
I thank you.
For the things that you are doing,
I thank you.
For the things you are going to do,
I thank you.

im in a horrible position. i wanna talk about things and yet i dont want to. i feel down, flat and out. something i really need to sort out is my life.

Depressing Day.

Oh no.. after all that studying, i realised that i've wasted my time studying for maths. I FEEL USELESS AND STUPID. total test failure count. number of tests taken -> 4, number of tests failed ->3. IM GONNA BE RETAINED! I'M GONNA MUG MY LIFE AWAY~~~~~~~~~~

yesterday i managed to break free from choir in the afternoon for service. Yay~~~ haha well, really wanted to go for the parents day service and thank God i made it! parents day service was really really good. the skit was so good and once again Mandy never fails to put up shows which flaunts her acting skills. she taught me one or two things before while i acted during the Christmas service... =)

after the show, at the end, it was really quite touching. then Pastor Jeff spoke to the parents, telling them that they don't lose their children when their children follow Jesus. at that moment, i was really quite sad. i wished that my parents were there, listening. when will be the day when the statues in the house will be taken away? when will all the weird idols i've been growing up with be removed? i really can't wait for that day. gonna keep praying.

after service, there was this mad rush in collecting money. i'm made the unit administrator for both WFL and Camp. wahhh i was so flustered lah, almost fainted. lol. Thank God my shepherd helped me out by asking people to help me do stuff... phew! i survived.

met up with Ashleigh, Wen Lin, Hon Seng, Chin Yaw and CK at Taka's coffee bean after. HS was really really so stoned... hahaha and we basically weren't talking much... but just singing and attempted to harmonise... i just stoned there cause i was really quite tired. lol and Wen lin gave me a nice lollypop cuz i was eyeing on it. heheee

Went for singers' meeting after that... wow really learnt alot of things. things like having a vision for God and i was reminded of why i joined back up singing in the first place... to bring people to God. You can only bring people to the places where you've been before. This very line inspired me so much. i want to know God so much more now.

when it ended, i walked to the bus stop with Bao wei. wow, i talked to him abit and really, i think we've grown to know each other so much more. as in, im usually someone who's very restrained around new people. in a sense i could say that im very clickish. anyway, i got to know him so much in that just 5 minutes of talking or so. it's like, whenever you spend quality time with people, not just talking about superficial stuff, you seem to sink in so much deeper into their lives.

in the bus, i met so many people i know... Jane from Poly, Juanita from choir. lol. then i was just sitting there doing nothing. prolly wandering off into day dreaming land. then i heard two guys squabbling. their squabbles were getting louder and louder. it soon became a heated argument. the argument was really quite pointless i think. they were shootings things like "is it my mouth or your mouth?'... juvenile arguments with no substance in it. then the uncle, 40+ years old mentioned something about going to the police station or something like that. and the teenager was also putting up a weak defense while the uncle kept attacking him. it was beng-ness to the max. i was really quite freaked out. thank God the bus was quite full. then when the bus reached the coronation bus stop with the police station. the uncle went off to the front door and went off the bus. he said something like "bo ji ah?! come lah! lets go to the police station." which literally was challenging those gangster boys to go to the police station. the uncle was serious lah! he even wrote down the bus number. he got off the bus. and when the bus was about to close the back doors, the ah bengs' face was really BLACK. one of them said something like "that #$@#%%" and 4 of them chased after him off the bus... uh oh... i think the brave uncle is gonna get beaten up.

oh well. we'll find out about that today in the news if he got beaten up. anyway, i just read Shaun's blog. hmm... i felt like i really got to know him just a wee bit better through WC3. lol along with Jia hui as well. haha... Shaun rocks man.

elections coming up. i still don't know what to go for. really puzzled, stressed, pulled down. maybe i could get some suggestions.

Tired...

i suddenly feel drained... not only because of school work, but by choir as well. haven't been seeking God well lately too. baaaaaaah. i need a jab of Jesus in my life. Jesus roools

today... or at least yesterday.. was rushed. went to buy replacement shoes so that i could go to school. then i rushed down to service with Leon, Thank God he i met him in Queensway... was really quite a surprise really. =) reached service and missed praise =( bleah! felt flat... oh well, we can do that anywhere.. =)

during service, they were giving out certificates to those who have completed their schools... in the small corner of my heart, i was really hoping that SJI would have been called out, but... it wasn't... it's like, the disappointment you feel when you don't achieve stuff... ya get what i mean? it's like, i felt disappointed at myself, cuz maybe if i tried a little harder, worked on them a little longer, spent a little more time on my sheeps, i might have been on stage with God smiling at me from above, telling me "Well done my son." but all those are what ifs. oh well, what i wanna say is that though i didn't get that cert, i think God knows that i have at least tried, but he's telling me to try harder... and yes i will do that.. not gonna play so much anymore...

went out for a wild goose chase just now... walking for like 2 hours looking for a place to bid Peng Chuan farewell. i kinda got a little agitated and the was blaming myself all the way, in a very bad spirit. i was suppose to organise this farewell dinner, but with the Cantabile and stuff, i wasn't able to sit down, think and book a place so that everything would go smoothly. bah! we ended up eating at pizza hut... well, i think i have somehow been promoted to Ethan's Coreteam in a sense... i've recently been invited to all the celebrations and stuff involving the CLs... yay, kinda bonded to them already, prolly cuz i talk to Angela quite a bit, Peng Chuan is one of the few people i can crap to, Ben is my ex-shepherd, Zach is my current shepherd, Raphael was my sheep and Phoebe is in singing ministry with me and has been looking out alot for me... teaching me stuff, and of course there's Ethan =). It was technically my second outing with them. the first outing was for Peng Chuan's birthday, now it's Peng Chuan's farewell... quite ironical isn't it? i felt quite sad lah, cuz he's really really a great guy... geez... sure will miss ya bro.

we went for melted chocolate after pizza. almost died of the overdose, Ben went chocolate high or something... i didn't really like it though everyone was as if they were almost floating when they drank it... i thought that it was too much chocolate for one day... rushed off at about 11. caught the 75. sat with Ben. talked to him so much... it was like, a long catching up with him after i was transferred away from him, in a small sense, i was reminded of how i missed him and felt like when i was transferred and all. it felt really so good to talk to someone about anything, sharing problems and just... chatting.

well, it's 2.30 am and i heard my mum patrolling the house... typing in the dark now... i think God wants to chat with me like how i chatted with Ben... but i have been too caught up with choir. i think that's bad... there are so many prompts from him to me. things like giving up and surrendering areas to him... i think i'm still trying to control too many things which are out of my grasp. God, help me Lord, in all the sins im stuck in, in my time management that i may meet my sheep. ALL of them, not just one or 2... show me what you want me to do. especially in choir, since elections are coming... im really troubled...

Shall quote from my wall paper...
Isaiah 42:16
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.

Wow! the concert is OVER! haha i think we did okay lah, maybe abit emotionless during the songs that's all... well many things to thank God for!

Thank God for:
1. not letting anyone find out when i screwed up real bad and that i didn't make myself look horrible.
2. People like CK and Hon Seng to teach us the songs that we may even sing them correctly
3. Ms Lim for being such a wonderful conductress, she's really encouraging.
4. Shermaine and her mum for sending me home.
5. Ashleigh for revising through with me at the last moment.
6. Protecting my voice. Amen! =)
7. Lastly, for CG404! almost there! people to work on, i pray that i will have the guts to speak with them and stuff... God will help us through =)

Haha... lost my shoes and a bag... haiz... oh well... no shoes to wear lor... wheeeee going to service tomorrow! so happieeeee.